 |
| A loving hug for a brother... |
NOTE: Names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent and the mean-spirited.
As I wrote yesterday, the conversation in the car was light hearted on Valentine’s Day Eve:
“I’m going to ask GIRL to be my girlfriend,” my son stated confidently. “I want to get her a special card.”
“Say you want to go out with her, not be your girlfriend,” my daughter corrected.
“Mom, if she says yes, will you take us bowling?” Jamie asked. I nodded in the front seat, trying to keep my eyes on the road.
“What do you like about GIRL, Jamie?”
He looked out the window and thought a moment. “She’s very nice to other people. She’s pretty and she’s funny.” I knew GIRL, and she was in fact all of those things.
We went to the store, picked-up standard boxed Valentine’s Day cards, then Jamie headed toward the ‘real’ card aisle to select his special card. It was perfect: A cute puppy, holding a heart-shaped balloon, that stated simply on the front of the card “You’re special.” The sentiment inside simply read “Happy Hearts Day.”
He neatly wrote his signature in cursive, and printed a short note: “GIRL, I like you very much and you are very nice,” and affixed four heart stickers on the inside flap. The card tucked safely in his backpack, Jamie told me at bedtime he didn’t know if he would be able to sleep all night.
FLASH FORWARD TO AFTER SCHOOL ON VALENTINE’S DAY, PART II:
Jamie walked into my bedroom, a funny smirk on his face. Thank God, I thought, a happy story that would cheer-up Jordan and restore my faith in childhood humanity.
“So how did it go?” I asked, full of hope and high expectations. He was smiling, sort of, was it embarrassment? Humility? Contained joy?
“Not so good,” Jamie confessed, flopping face down on the bed. “Terrible, actually.”
There is no Cupid.
“So, we were at recess, and I told BOY 1 and BOY 2 that I was going to ask GIRL out after school,” Jamie explained. I already knew where this train was heading, as BOY 2 had expressed interest in same GIRL earlier in the school year. “I made them pinky swear, but someone obviously heard me, and they went over and told GIRL.”
“THEN someone told the recess monitor, then the recess monitor told me that asking my question was inappropriate for school. So I was embarrassed, then I was mad, and then I was afraid to give her my card. Then I think GIRL got scared, or embarrassed, and now I think she hates me.”
“Oh, Jamie, it’s okay,” piped Jordan’s voice from the foot of the bed. “I had a bad Valentine’s Day, too. Don’t cry, buddy.”
But Jamie did cry. He had left our house Valentine's Day morning excited and nervous, and returned crushed. My stomach, still in knots from my daughter’s lovely day, worsened.
“Did you give her your card?” I asked. Jamie wiped at his eyes and shook his head no. “No, I thought I was doing something wrong. Remember? Inappropriate?”
Okay, it was Valentine’s Day, so give me a big fat break here. My son is ten and wanted to tell a girl he thinks she is nice and pretty. Fourth grade doesn’t have an age-appropriate, hip term for ‘crush,’ but I sure as hell don’t think the term I would reach (especially on Valentine’s Day, for Christ sake) would be ‘inappropriate’.
Once Jamie calmed down, Jim and I explained that he didn’t do anything wrong, except for maybe the part when he told Boy 2 about his plan (as he was probably the one who ratted him out). I believe we convinced him to give GIRL his special card, damn the consequences.
Alas, Wednesday morning Jamie awoke tired and defeated, emotionally spent from the day before. “No, I’m keeping the card. It’s all just too much of a pain.”
“It would make her day happy,” I encouraged, but he was not buying it. “No, you keep it. I don’t need it anymore.”
I took the card, unopened, and put it in his memory box, a collection of old cards, artwork, favorite t-shirts ten sizes too small, baby teeth, a lock of hair from his first haircut.
I hope in the days ahead he will ask for it back. In the meantime, mom will keep the sentiments unshared safe and secure.
Painful lessons learned, but entertaining for the rest of us! Makes you wonder if he'll remember this when he's older, of course the card will bring back the lesson!
ReplyDeleteI too asked a girl "out" at that age, being the first in our class to do it, but didnt share it with anyone prior. She said yes, but then all of the other kids went into a frenzy over it as though I/we had crossed some line from childhood into adult-world and that wasnt cool with them. We were kinda outcasts for a bit and teased relentlously, I am sure Jamie is going through a little of that.
I guess we opened the doors for others though, but her and I never went out, we lived really far apart and I was too embarrassed to ask my parents to drive us anywhere.
Well written and entertaining. Boy 2 should get a visit...
My 13 year old daughter had a great Valentine's Day...6 people asked her to be their Valentine...3 girls and 3 boys and none of them romantically. It was sweet and I was surprised but pleased that they didn't get caught up in the attitude that Valentine's Day is for romance and couples.
ReplyDeleteI felt awful for your daughter. Sometimes kids can be so cruel. I admired the way you handled it and taught a lesson.
My children aren't allowed to "date," "go out with" or whatever the hip term is currently until high school. The drama of grade school and middle school romance is mean and often misinterpreted and I think unnecessary.
They use my "no dating" rule as an excuse to stay out of the drama, and they get sympathy from their friends that their parents are so old-fashioned.
I figure there is plenty of time for romance and heartbreak when they get a little older. And I worry that if you start things too early, what will they be doing by the time they are in high school and college. All the innocence of dating will be long gone. Yikes.
Mom, you should not mention your sons tears on a public venue. If any of his friends see it, it will lead to teasing or bullying.