A Serious Summer Lesson Learned Early ...

After almost two weeks of pointless bed rest due to a sinus infection and yet undetermined medical issues, I finally awoke Monday morning two weeks ago weak but well.

For the sake of definition, you would NOT have passed me on the street and exclaimed “Damn, look at that picture of health!” Fish-belly white flesh contrasted dramatically dark sunken eyes and I appeared to have been beaten ceaselessly with an ugly stick. During my days of the living coma, I had probably been outside once or twice to let the dog in, and sunlight had not once touched my skin.

Eager to resume a life of normalcy, I was beyond thrilled to chaperone my daughter’s sixth grade field trip to a local baseball game. A morning and afternoon outside with Jordan and her friends, gorging ourselves on too much popcorn, stalking the Joliet Slammers’ mascot to sign Jordan’s latest arm cast and chasing foul balls -- the perfect start to summer break.

As four of the five girls in my group were blond-haired, blue-eyed with skin as white as the driven snow, I spent the bulk of our day outside obsessively spraying SPF 1000 sunscreen on each of them every time they were in range. The last thing I wanted was for any of my girls to start their summer vacation with a bad case of sunburn.

Of course you know where this is going. As I enjoyed my hotdog and fruit punch, I kicked off my sandals and lounged on my blanket, admiring the cloudless blue sky, the perfect 80º temperature and the cool, gentle breeze. Three hours later, I gathered my gaggle of sticky yet sunburn-free girls and clambered back on to the bus for the twenty-minute ride back to school.

It wasn’t until we sat down to dinner that the initial sun damage began to appear. “Jesus, mom! Does that hurt?” Jordan asked as she sat down across the kitchen table from me. “You look like Bob the Tomato!” She placed her hands on my cheeks and her eyes grew wide. “Mom, your face is on fire!”

Jamie reached over and touched my forearm, and shook his head slowly. “Mom, your arms are brown and red. That doesn’t look normal.”

“Noxema and aloe gel stat, One Who Rides with Sun in Face,” Jim laughed as he sat down with a plate of corn. “We’ll wait for you.”

Bathroom mirrors and harsh lighting do not lie, nor did the look of fear in Jordan’s eyes moments earlier: My skin tone had made a dramatic transition from death becomes her ivory to varying tones of reddish-blue. My lips and eyelids were beginning to swell, and suddenly the skin on my skull began to feel like it was shrinking and even started to show signs of cracking around my lips.

“I did this to myself,” I repeated over and over as I slathered a thick coat of cooling Noxema to my flaming face, and made a mental note to never leave the house the rest of the summer without applying sunscreen to my own body first.

I returned to the kitchen table to sympathetic laughter. “Are you going to do magic tricks?” Jamie asked with a grin. “Yes, I’m going to make your pool pass disappear this weekend,” I answered with what I think was a frown, but to be honest I could no longer feel my face.

Multiple applications of aloe, Aquaphor, vitamin E capsules, oatmeal bath soaks, Neosporin and greasy Noxema facials over the past five days have allowed my skin to heal and morph to a more human-looking tan color.

On a positive note, as Jordan and Jamie observed the rather gross healing process of my first-degree burns, I have not been met with a single note of protest when I inform them it is time to “goo up” before we head outside or pack our bags for the pool. 

It’s going to be a great summer …