As I mentioned in my blog yesterday, I have discovered the most amazing diet program in the world. It is a collaborative effort between two people, and would demand great sacrifice on the part of the dieter and me, but I guarantee it will work.
To recap, or in case you didn’t see it on Entertainment Tonight or CNN, the “Jimmy James Diet” is basic and straightforward. First, the dieter needs to move in to my home. Second, the dieter will eat every meal seated next to my son, Jamie, until your ultimate weight loss goal is achieved.
Due to the overwhelming number of emails I received regarding the diet program, I put together a short list of FAQs to address some of the most pressing concerns:
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| Program Founder "Jimmy James" |
A: Look at that face – could you possibly say ‘no’ to that smile or those eyes, asking for a bite of your pizza or sip of your pop?
Q: Seriously, what if the diet doesn’t work?
A: Again, look at that face - do you want to disappoint him?
Q: How will this diet work when I travel or head to the office?
A: As much as Jamie would enjoy it, this is not a portable program, it is a residential program: Jamie will not ride shotgun with you to work, perch in your silk ficus tree in your office or curl up in your cubicle cubby, waiting to pounce as you reach for a Snickers bar or head to the break room for birthday cake. I did say it would take extreme sacrifice.
Q: How am I supposed to keep my job AND lose weight on the “Jimmy James Diet”?
A: May we suggest telecommuting, a short-term leave of absence, a number of vacation and sick days strung together, or maybe a sabbatical?
Q: How does this program work when Jamie goes to school every day? When do I get to eat?
A: Not often. The program is very structured: Breakfast at 8:00 a.m., lunch at 3:30 p.m. (when the school day is over), dinner at 6:00 p.m. and healthy evening snacks at Jamie’s discretion.
Q: What are the room accommodations?
A: A fully-furnished, non-smoking guest bedroom on the second floor, located directly across the hallway from Jamie’s bedroom and the room furthest from the kitchen. “Sneaky snacking” is strictly prohibited, and did I mention the hallway floors are very creaky?
Q: Is an exercise regimen incorporated in the “Jimmy James Diet”?
A: Great question! Yes, during the school year, throughout the day, you will be chasing Sparky the wonder cat to retrieve your socks and/or one shoe. Between the hours of 4:00 to 6:00 p.m., you will be grinding your way to good health on a skateboard with your personal trainer, Jamie.
Q: Why isn’t your entire family skinny if Jamie eats with you at every meal?
A: Over the years, Jim and I have learned to tune-out “the face” and protect our plates; while Jordan takes great pleasure in defending hers with flying spoons and the one-arm wraparound protective stance. Program participants, however, won’t be here long enough for that to happen.
Q: What is the cost of this program?
A: Priceless.
Q: Is there a couple’s discount if my husband and I participate together?
A: No, this is a one-on-one program. Besides, we wouldn’t want the end result to be our participants reaching their weight-loss goals and Jamie looking like one of Willie Wonka’s Oompa-Loompas.
Registration for the “Jimmy James Diet” program will begin April 15th, and applicants will be reviewed on a first-come, first-serve basis. The pre-screening interviews will be conducted by Jamie himself, and the final participant selection will be made solely at his discretion.
As for the summer program, if you have a backyard pool, own a boat and/or summer home, or live on waterfront property or near a major skatepark, please write the words “immediate acceptance” in the promo code section of the application.
“The Jimmy James Diet” program awaits you – for further details, visit Jamie’s website at www.jimmy_james_pays_for_college_quickly.net.
We look forward to hearing from you!
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